For the most part, I really do believe I’m a good person.
But I’m also prone to a character flaw that I’ve been working on fixing for the past couple of years. On occasion, I get frustrated and stressed, and I act or speak without thinking things through just to be done with something. Usually this is something in which I feel out of my depth, or something that has been held-up for so long that I decide “perfect is the enemy of done.” And boom. These little stray bullets of thoughtless action and word come without warning. And more often than not, possibly due to unsafe distance from me, an innocent bystander or good friend will get winged by one of those “bullets.”
That I never intend for anyone to get hurt is no excuse. There is no justifiable reason why it happens. It’s just frustration, poor communication on my part, and a weakness of character; a cavalier sense of “done now and damn the consequences,” with no warning. This happens with utter disregard to anyone’s feelings or contributions to what I’m making the snap decision on. As a writer, sometimes my communication skills suck. Those times tend to be when all that is needed is a quick “Duck! I’m taking some meditative time over the next few days to work on that, because I know I can do better.
I do believe, at my very core, that I’m a good person.
Except for those times when I’m a totally thoughtless dick.
This goes double when someone gets hurt.
For those of you who may have been wounded in the past, you have my most sincere apologies.
For those who, out of the goodness of your heart, put yourselves in harm’s way, thank you. And “Duck!”